Aug 9: Getting past the past

Today I am struggling with my past. I have been running and avoiding and repeating the past. My heart has been broken over and over again, and just when I think its gone, it shows itself again. i think I was so scared to give anyone else a chance to hurt me, I held on to the people I knew would let me down as an attempt to protect myself. See, there is an important lesson no one teaches in Sunday school. Sure, we hear that god protects and that we need to trust him. The part they neglect to tell us is that he does not protect us FROM things, but THROUGH things. Maybe teachers think it’s a no-brainer or that its over our heads, but honestly if I would have grown up hearing that it would have been VERY beneficial. Crap will happen. End of story. What god promises is that he will be there with us to lean on and to guide us through. Morgan said a quote to me tonight that just rocks. She said “Life is only 10% things that happen to you, but 90% how you react to the things that happen to you” its all a choice. You can choose to play victim of things that have happened all day long, or you can choose to move on and learn and grow and be happy and make the best of things, and search for god through the crap. Well I am choosing now to be happy. These people do not deserve the satisfaction of knowing I am hurt. That I have been broken. I am choosing to hold my head high and proud as a beautiful child of the god I serve. i am going to make Him proud, and that is the only person that matters.

 

I have been feeling so guilty for not being able to move on and trust god and people immediately. I thought it should be automatic, but I am discovering that emotion is normal. Pain is inevitable sometimes and a broken heart takes some time to sew. However, as long as I am processing and continuing to take steps in the right direction, I will make it to the finish line.

 

And PS family I am missing you everyday. I look at my scrapbook and notes every single night before bed and CANNOT wait to talk sept 1, but this fast is exactly what I needed I cant wait to tell you all about it. Love you more than youll ever know :]

Ight, peace everyone see you tomorrow :P