June 27: oopss... its been awhile

well guys, sorry its taken so long. the internet in our home has been acting up, so i will get on as much as i can at CCBC to update you all.

we had a meeting with our beautiful host mom yesterday about the culture, what we should do here, what we should not. it was really good to be educated on the culture here so i dont feel so ignorant all the time. its crazy how people see things and assume... i have learned to NEVER do this again, because when you do this, your wrong more often than not.

i spent the night with blessing last night and tried some nigerian food. it was hard to do (you guys know me and my pickyness and my fear of trying new things) but it was good actually. its been such a blessing because even though i have always been afraid to try new things, everything i have tried here is SO good. my favorite is the yellow sweet potatoes and this red rice that has tomato and chili i think.

However, i will not be trying anything new today, or eat anything actually. The guy i live with has his exams starting tomorrow, and so we are fasting and praying for that. when i asked him, he said he was confident he would rock them so YAY:]

i need some prayers right now. for joy, peace, love, understanding for me and others, forgiving spirits for people i have hurt, wisdom and discernment, a positive outlook, and to give him the glory

June 23: Lonely

Well right now I cant sleep so I figured I would give a little update

Yesterday we did construction which consisted of shoveling 8 wheelbarrows of dirt til it overflowed, taking it across to the kitchen, dumping it, mixing with cement, and spreading it all over to make the floor. I know it may not sound difficult but it was the heaviest thing ive ever tried to pick up… so I am very sore today :[ however I am gonna be ripped by the time I get home so its okay

On the subject of food, last night we had chicken; sounds pretty basic right? Oh wait, there are chicken feet just chillin in there. Oh, and there is the tail too. however, it was barbque chicken so it was freakin fabulous. its kinda fun to be trying new foods and veggies and things. Norman came to Adziwa again today to speak to the youth… we made peanut butter and banana sandwiches and he was like GROSS! (he prefers butter and banana… yum?) and then for dinner tonight Kasava(sp?) potatoes and chicken that tastes like moms Italian chicken. Fabulous! I also tried to explain dippin dots to Issak tonight… I don’t think he quite understood. I want some dippin dots right now.

I need major intense prayers right now for my voice. I found out before I left that I have a cyst/nodules on my vocal folds, they said I needed voice therapy and such but I did not have time so they told me drink water and rest my voice. Funny story: when you are dealing with kids you don’t have the option of rest… my voice has begun to be a searing pain at night, and I am always horse. People keep commenting on my funny voice:[ (mommy I tried hot tea here and its very good and soothing)

I have realized the importance of a positive attitude. People always say its unattractive, but you don’t realize just how unpleasant and gross a bad attitude is until you see it from someone else. Its awful.

Oh and did I tell everyone I bought cowboy boots in the flea market for 20 bucks, they are pretty ballin. I love shoes

I am currently stressed about my future. Next spring will be very lonely I feel like since everyone will be at college. Man! And then I need to decide on a stupid college. All I keep thinking is UK, but if I don’t get that scholarship I don’t think I can go, and what if its not where I am meant to be. UGHH! And then on top of that, even if it seems silly, I have to decide my priorities spending money on  a sorority or traveling each summer and blah blah blah. Its just a whole lot to think about and I cannot get a clear definitive answer to save my life.

There is a spider that is 4 inches wide living in the multipurpose room at adziwa. Oh yeah, its prego… yay monster babies just what we need!!! And I went into the bathroom, which is a hole in the ground with a mud wall around it, and there are 50 spiders COVERING the whole ceiling. I cannot even pee at the village now. And my malaria meds are giving my crazy vivid dreams, I woke up at 3 am b/c of a dream about spiders!

OH I almost forgot! We wondered into kauma today to go to the market and get some chitange(sp?)(ha bad idea considering the 3 white folk have never gone by themselves before) and we got lost, eventually found our way, and SAW LONELY!!!!!! She is so beautiful I almost cried seeing her. She just wanders around the market… oh my goodness it was so good to see her and know shes doing okay….

Anywho I think that is all for tonight I am getting some shut eye. Seriously miss you all! Nighty night :]

June 21: untitled

DISCLAIMER: I have no organization to this, its just my thoughts as they come. Sorry.

Today I am going to bed happy. I haven’t laughed a lot recently, which most of you know consumes my life. I have been so busy planning and worrying about speaking and trying to make a difference and dealing with living with people other than my family who knows how I tick. Today at lunch we had a team meeting. Everyone was on the brink of losing it. The tension kept rising and annoyances were going unsaid and I especially like everything to be said outloud and then forgive and forget and move on. We discussed frustrations and long story short, we have a blank slate; a fresh start. So for that I praise God.

I have to tell you again how incredibly difficult to stay happy after hearing all these wonderful people and where they are coming from. Yesterday, some youth from CCBC came, and there is this guy i got to know a little bit better. He is freaking fabulous. He is a walking encyclopedia for the history and knowledge of the bible. He leads the youth at CCBC and has an amazing heart for God. Now that I am getting to know him better, his story is inspiring. He came from the streets and took in any information he could about God, and now is such a leader. Also, today is Tuesday so we had womens bible study. As we waited we could hear raised voices in the office. We ended up dancing with 50 year old women for 45 minutes learning old folk songs so it wasn’t too awkward. Afterwards we asked lusungu why all the staff were late and what they were yelling about. She proceeds to tell us of one of our kids, Charity. She is living with her grandmother because he parents got divorced and remarried. The mother does not want her, but the father does. However, the grandmother wants to keep they kids so she can get the perks of the program (free nice house food program clothes and school) she beats the kids and Charity had a busted lip this morning. Also they caught her yelling to one of the 7 year old boys that their mother died of AIDS and blah blah blah! Plus a few weeks ago, the girl was chased from the house at 9 pm and had to sleep at the chairmans house. The grandmother never bothered to look for her. Now the leaders have to decide how to get the children to the father or next of kin and possibly kicking the grandmother out of the program.

Shout out to Lucy—you are my perfect roommate. You know me and my habits and what ticks me off and what will cheer me up. You read my thoughts and call me out. But most importantly you just love me. You understand that im not always in a good mood, rational, or polite. And you still love me. I have come to the realization that  no roommate with meet my standards now, so good luck in college Ellie ha.

Anyways I am sick of typing so goodnight :]

DADDY!!!

The weekend is finally here!! which means rest!

we are going to the flea market today to experience that and then to a MEXICAN place to eat! queso and all im told! YAYAYAYAYYAYYAYYAYYYY!! i am so so pumped for that

nothing much else going on this weekend except church.

BUT THERE IS FATHERS DAY :]

Daddy-- i obviously cannot give you a gift this year, but i can brag on you! you are seriously an amazing father. i never really knew just how involved and wise you were until i started hearing peoples stories of their dads and how they have been. you have always gone to god FIRST and have been a fantastic example of faith to me. i know you are the frugal parent(i inhereted that quality from you def not mom) but it makes it so much better when you do treat me because its things that really matter to me! for instance when you walked in the night before i left to give me the finger stuff it meant the world to me because you knew me and those cards you sent with me last year and this year, i could see that you put some thought into it! you are so perfect to mom. you make her feel like shes a princess and that has shown me that i deserve a man like you, even if i have to wait a million years ha. you are my hero and i love you to the moon and back. PS my trunk is the best!!

june 15: family, fun, and witchcraft?

Sorry guys, I know its been a couple days….

My family I am staying with is precious. They are so kind, welcoming, and godly. The mothers name is owns 3 shops: 2 tailor shops where she makes traditional dresses skirts purses and pillows, and 1 hardware shop. The dad is an engineer for a tobacco company but i havent had the opportunity to get to know him closely yet. they have 3 children. the oldest daughter is 21 i think,  works in Blantyre, a four hour drive away. She came in town last weekend but we wont see her again for a long time. The oldest and only son is 24 and goes to college in south Africa. He is home on holiday for a month and is helping his mom with the shops and such (today he is salima helping to furnish the cottage they are building by the lake… score!) he likes to drink and party some, but is very funny and respectful to his parents and guests. The youngest daughter is 17 and goes to boarding school. She is also home for holiday until august. She has been very quiet the whole time but last night we made popcorn on the stove and had girl night. We talked about boys culture and danced around the room… it was really fun. Tonight we are planning on teaching them to play spoons, estes style:] which can get a little crazy ha.

On Sunday, we had youth service at CCBC. We discussed the difference in career and calling. Career you are chasing the money and calling you are chasing what god wants for you. I kinda disagreed with them because they said they could be similar but not the same. I gave the example of mom and praying with her patient… I think that if you have a career where god has given you talent and you carry him with you wherever you go,  you could be following your calling. Its all complicated. They only have youth service once a month, which in my case is not frequent enough to really get kids excited for god. The teens have gone to the same church with eachother since birth and do not know eachothers names, what they each like or dislike. Its ridiculous. I think we have to start teaching the lesson starting next Sunday and im nervous:\

The Awana program has flourished since last year. They get involved with eachother, and learn several bible verses and seem to be going deeper. We are in charge once again of planning the lesson each Monday and wed. I suggested doing a series on the ten commandments. Anyone who has any object lessons or creative ideas at all please let me know(mom and mrs amy mmhhmm)

We have not been working much in the school yet because they are preparing for exams. However, we helped in the nursery today. They are SO cute:] we are doing a bible camp when the july team comes, and while that is going on morgan is going to help with training teachers. Then in September, we are brainstorming doing 30 minutes a week with each classroom to help with English pronunciation and reading comprehension. The problem is that the way Malawi has always been taught is memorizing, so their thinking skills never develop. Many adults here cannot do a simple puzzle…

Each Friday, we go and visit the caregivers in the adziwa gardens. We help them with any chores that need to be done. So far, we have only done dishes and mopped a little. One house we went to brought out more dishes than ive ever seen and looked like they had not been washed in a week. When morgan and I began to wash, hundreds of cockroaches ran everywhere. I thought I was about to lose it because it would have been very insulting to not finish or to comment so we had to act as if nothing was going on… the were running across my toes and up my skirt. I started sweating and light headed and pale. It was awful.

Each day after school we go and help with the feeding program. At 11 oclock, anyone who went to school that day can go and stand in line to get porridge(soy flour, corn four, and brown sugar boiled) our job is to wash the plates before hand, hand each of the hundreds of kids a spoon and a plate and then wash the dishes again when they are finished. The water gets so gross, and we wash for a solid hour and a half. Its so good that they have a somewhat nutritious meal because that is all some kids get to eat all day!

On Thursday afternoons, we are in charge of a youth program in adziwa. This is 14 to 19 year olds that get together for bible study. Last week was the first time and we played a name game. When the july team comes we will start a girls guys and godliness study hopefully:]

On Tuesday afternoons we do a womens bible study in adziwa. Morgan has kind of taken lead of this one seeing as I am only 17 myself. They  get together and sing so beautifully. This past Tuesday we talked about grace and what that means in gods eyes. That they should forgive the unforgivable. One lady,  told us that her husband used to be an alcoholic and abusive. For instance, one day she was taking a shower and he came and threw a brick at her.. and here the bricks are really large. One day, he got really sick and could not walk anymore or do anything for himself. She chose to forgive him for everything and took care of him for 9 years. Then one day his relatives came and took him away from her and he died a few weeks later, she to this day has not seen where he husband was buried. If that is not grace I don’t know what is! Its crazy to think what I can hold on to and hold over peoples heads… if she can have grace to that awful man I can do anything you know.

Also, apparently witchcraft and voodoo is largely used here in Malawi. There was a girl in her yard casting a spell  one day… harry potter makes it seem non-threatening, but it is not a joke.  I have seen 2 kids that I am pretty sure are possessed. One of them, is 4 years old in the nursery and will be so sweet one minute and then will start muttering, get the crazy eyes, and then start hitting and punching anyone around her. I immediately pick her up each time and say I love you jesus loves you over and over again. I sing jesus songs to her and pray… she calms down for the moment.

As you may have noticed through my blogs, alcohol is kind of a theme over here. Also a lot of men in kauma drink all the time. They are able to grow their own at their house and its very very strong. The girl,that I just told you about in the previous paragraph so walks around pretending to drink, rolls her eyes in the back of her head and stumbles around the playground. There is also a boy that I just absolutely love, who does the exact same thing. ive noticed a correlation with those kids: they are all violent. It seriously breaks my heart.

Prayer requests right now… relationship with my family over here and back home:] strength, wisdom and guidance while we plan all these bible studies, the youth at CCBC, fat baby, lonely, Pricilla, my health, patience for me and Nicole and morgan, understanding, and unconditional love.

June 9: I don’t understand

Several things to mention today…

First off, thank you so much for your prayers and comments, they keep me going.

PRAISE HIM! My fingers are doing very well I have not even thought of biting except like twice and I resisted the urge those times. Also, although I had a moment of intense grief, it has for the most part passed and I am fully focused on my job here instead of what I left behind. God has really been communicating “love” to me this week. Family love, friend love, boy love, idol love, His love, sharing that love, and receiving that love. I have discovered that I have the gift of love. I truly love and enjoy people god has put in my life. However I struggle to receive love. I do not accept compliments well, I refuse to trust and be vulnerable, and after forgiving and letting go 8 million times, I begin to hold a grudge. So thank you god for showing me more about myself and what to work on. I have been praying out loud, which some of you know is very hard for me. The home we are currently staying in also has unlimited internet so we will not have to keep paying and it is pretty fast connection so apparently we will be able to skype!

CONFUSION. There are many things about the culture I do not understand, Also today we went prayer walking through Kauma to see some of the families in the adziwa program. one woman had 5 children to care and she was a widow. The youngest, 6 years old, had malaria plus had been in a coma, and now has suffered a stroke. He could not walk or talk, he just laid in bed all day every day. His hand was stuck as well. She brought him out of the house and Karen began to pray. The whole time she prayed I just repeated “by faith you are healed” but nothing happened. I believed it could happen, and I knew he needed healing, I prayed. I declared truth. And nothing happened. I don’t understand.

We taught the kids to play baseball today with sugar cane and a rag ball. It was awesome.  We have been going to homes this week to clean and today, there were a million trillion cockroaches in this one house!!!! I could not handle it. At all.

 I went to blessings house tonight and we made homemade mashed potatoes and they tasted just like moms except they were lumpy because we had to handmashed them ha. It made me miss my mommy. I love you

ANNA GRACE>>>> you are finally a teenager. I could not be more proud to call you my sister. You are so humble and innocent and pure(I hope being a teenager does not ruin that!) and you care so much about others. You love god more than you love yourself and everyone loves you because your light shines and its infectious. You have always been the cutest estes but now you’re the most beautiful estes… and that is saying something cause we are a FABULOUS looking family :] I love you more than I could ever express and I am so sos os sososososo happy you are coming with dad to see me. It means more than youll ever know. Im counting down the days honey… HAPPY BIRTHDAY ps we can never again say you are still developing:]

June 7: new family

Today when we went to adziwa i got so sad... salome does not remember me, and she will not talk to me. im just not feeling happy today. i no longer have a team to help me; its just me and nicole. and we have a new family. they are very very sweet and i like them, but everything is scary. i tried to take a shower... the water blew all over my face, flooded the bathroom, and never got hot. so i will be going to bed smelling like booty stank.. great! . also on the way home tonight my new mother Maggie pointed out all the prostitutes standing on the streets which was eye opening. im really beginning to be hit with the whole 7 months length and i miss my family and my friends and right now i just feel like the world is spinning and im not invited. i cant believe im missing out on so much it seems surreal. and i just feel dishearted. morgan is stressing and blatantly unhappy and she sometimes rubs it off on me accidently. i just want to be eating ice cream watching swan princess in my own bed right now. anyways im rambling and having a pity party... itll all be okay. just please, if you know you mean a lot to me, dont forget about me when your life moves on and im left behind. goodnight love and miss you

June 5th CCBC

Today I went back to Capital City Baptist Church, it was different. No one I’ve ever met before was there except for wangari and blessing. Moses and his brothers and sisters were not there; jimmy is in college and ozzy left and does not plan to come back. Penelope went somewhere I’m not sure where though. I met a few new people but there was only about 5 youth in the whole service, whereas last year there were 20-25 teens. Then we went to the classic café delight for lunch where I got some bbq pizza. It was very good. After that was a very bumpy hour long car ride to the refugee camp. This is where victims in other African countries can flee from war, famine, disease, violence, corruption or persecution. The problem is the laws that state that refugees cannot work, farm, or earn any kind of living. They have to build their own houses from whatever they can find, and once they are there they cannot leave unless they apply for a pass, which is rarely granted for an extended period of time. There were people from Somalia, Sudan, Uganda and several other countries. Now I’m going to nap and then eat a “blie” (a buffet) of authentic Malawian food. Love and miss you!

June 4: my drum

Today we went to Lake Malawi. We swam and saw 10 lizards and I got a philly cheese steak sandwich. It was all great! Also we went to the wood market on the way to the lake. I got a carved drum and my noah’s ark (btw mom if you want dad to get you one it cost me 10 dollars) I have a very cool story about my drum. Okay, so here in Malawi, the market people are very poor and make about a dollar a day. When they see americans they get very excited and greedy and try to cheat them in addition to getting in your face and saying things none stop. In order to eliminate this problem, a local goes with us each time, and TK especially gets intense. He even said, “im putting on my lion face. I will be a beast” also you are NEVER to give out anything for free. Im going to be honest with you. My experience in the market place has been full of greedy uncomfortable men hastling. Okay well the drum shop was across the street from everything else, so I crossed over and haggled the price down to 1300 kwatcha (about 7 dollars) which is a very good deal. He gave me 200 kwatcha as change. The only other man on this side of the street asked me to come look at his things. He had bracelets and handmade banjos from wood that had tuning thingys and sounded pretty awesome. I told him I had just spent the rest of my money for my drum, and only had 200 kwatcha left, which is only 1 dollar. he told me he would give me this beautiful banjo for a dollar. I began to tell him how beautiful I thought it was and that it was worth more than 200 kwatcha. His eyes began to fill as he told me “I know but I haven’t eaten in 3 days and I need to make some money today. I do not have a choice but to give this to you for whatever you can give me” I wished I could do something more him but I slipped him the 200 kwatcha and said he could not tell anyone but to just take the money I don’t want a beautiful banjo for that little price. I broke TKs rules, but he seemed so genuinely desperate, unlike anyone else. As I waited for the other guy to carve my drum, the man came up to me shouting and singing. He said he would teach me to play for free because I made him so so happy. As we played, he asked where I was from. I told him I was working with capital city Baptist church. He said oh you’re a Christian. I became a Christian a month ago. I walk 3 kilometers both ways to church but I have to because with out god I have no feet. Then he thanked me and I told him to thank god because god provided for his good and faithful servant and to eat happily tonight in gods peace. He began to cry and shook my hand. I left, but I was so happy that I got to minister to the crazy market people! Then we ate dinner at Blessings house. Her family is so sweet. In sheer blessing attitude, she made me help her make sandwiches while everyone else socialized. I liked it :] I missed her terribly. For all you guys back home, she is doing well:] oh yeah and the power has been out all day, just fantastic.

Love you and miss you!

June 3: Womanizers

Today we went to adziwa for the first time this year. The women welcomed us with their beautiful singing and dancing. I saw salome. We had a meeting for school supplies. They have grown so much. Last year there were only 2 classrooms in use. Now there are 8, administration offices and even a library (with no books yet though). They are planning on adding another standard as well. However, there are still needs. They have several desks now, but some desks hold up to 3 kids. They need 55 more desks, textbooks, and bookshelves. SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO DONATE LET ME KNOW!!  Awana’s, the after school program, has improved dramatically! Last year, no one helped us, we had no translator, and it was chaotic. This year, there were several helpers, they had an actual lesson book to use and organized games. The best but most heart-breaking part of the day was at the end when James asked the kids what some of their challenges they face at home each day. Thankfully most children blessed their parents and commented everytime that they do not drink beer or smoke. A few kids stated that they were an orphan and it is hard with no parents but the people they are staying with are very good to them. At this point, a little girl in the fourth grade stands up and says that her father doesn’t smoke or drink but he was a womanizer. All the kids giggled because they thought it was a funny word, but the girl began to cry. Another girl stood up later and said that she knows her father keeps going with other women. She also began to cry, even though she tried to hold back the tears. We proceeded to pray for them and tell them how god can see their pain and tears and he wants to love on them. It truly broke my heart. I did not see lonely today which worries me. Financially, I think I was 600 dollars under on the budget that previously was made :[ but it will all work out eventually.

Please pray for lonely, finances, my finger-biting habit to end, team bonding, continued growth, and no bugs or diseases

LOVE ALL OF YOU AND MISS YOU!!

June 2: FINALLY HERE

After 3 days of travel, today we finally made it.

Cool airport story real quick: there was a HUGE miscommunication on the poundage that was allowed on south African airways. We did not know if it was 44 pounds, the travel agent’s number, or 66 pounds, which was the amount on our itinerary. Also, the limit on carryons was 18 pounds, apparently including our purse. When we arrived, Nicole prayed for smooth transitions between flights and specifically our luggage weight. Morgan’s bags weighed 74 pounds, mine 61 and nicoles 53. Thankfully we could do a little switching around and we got all of them under 66. As we neared the bag check, nerves took over me. They let us through!! So now we’re on to the carry-ons. My back pack itself weighed 21 pounds, 3 pounds over, and that did not include heavy purse. Morgan had two HUGE bags that each weighed 15. Jim had told us that they were very persnickety about carry-ons and they would not be forgiving. The person in front of us weighed theirs and both their carryon and their purse were put into the equation. I was terrified. When it was our turn, the man said “You’re fine. Just go.” How freaking incredible is that. That had to have been Jesus because they are not known for EVER letting people off the hook!!

Anyways, TK(blessings father and member of African Leadership), Jimmy(CCBC youth pastor), and Mr Banda(church driver) picked us up at the airport. Upon arrival, Jimmy told us the three of us were going to head on to our host families. However, when we got to kuka to drop of Jim Tommy and Karen, we were told to stay at kuka lodge because the family situation has not yet been confirmed. A meeting tomorrow for church members to decide where we’ll stay. As jim pointed out, we ARE in Africa, and they have a different pace and mind set when it comes to deadlines and priorities. We have not yet switched dollars for kwacha, and I realized I only packed dresses no skirts so I have no clue what im going to do about going to adziwa tomorrow. However, I am not slightly stressed or nervous surprisingly, which could only come from Him.

I miss my family, but no offense fam but not that much. I think its just god keepin me together because when I went for only 2 weeks the last two years I cried when I got on the plane both times. I guess we’ll see how it goes the next couple weeks.

may 31: mission initiated

So today I said goodbye to everything in my life. My beautiful family, best friends, my car, my time, updated music, movies, shoes, clothing, FOOD, school, and seven months of my normal life. And for what? For a mud hut and rats on a stick?

Every time I think about Malawi, I smile. Im not completely sure why, all I know is that as hard as it is to leave my family and my shoes and my smoothie king, its not the first thing I think of. I think of how mych I WANT to be there serving and helping in any way I can. 

Today though, I am committed to this adventure, so I have time to think about that second thought of what im missing back home. It sucks, it really sucks. I want to see my little sister become a silly teenager and my older sister hit the big 21, and I want to see everyone on my turn to adulthood on September 13. I want to hang out with Scott and eat dippin dots everyday. And I want my mom to read to me and have crazy family meals. But im in this. I know im supposed to do this and I will. And im gonna rock it.

P.S. im in the Atlanta airport now waiting for 5 hours until I go to JBurg.