FREEEEEEEDDDDDOOOMMMMM!!!!

WOW. all i can say about tonight is wow. i saw god. through a dream, through others prophecy, and personally within. i cried and let all the truth out. i was encouraged and made it through the storm. i DID praise you through the storm, god. you continue to amaze me. i absolutely adore you papa. THANK YOU FOREVER AND EVER AMEN

Trust

Trust is such a complicated emotion; you have to give yourself away and put your life in their hands. People tell me that i trust everyone. The truth is i trust everyone but i trust no one. I would tell the stranger in the line all about socially unacceptable things such as how cheap i found the pants i was wearing. However, not a single person knows my struggles and worries and problems completely. I freely well give my opinion on other peoples problems and am willing to help with anything i can, but when it comes to myself, i cannot trust. The problem is that sometimes i sont trust God, and i know he has my best interest at heart. I try. I really try to but sometimes i just doubt my faith.
The past year, one of my most used verses as prayer has been "Lord, i believe. help my unbelief." i know he can rock my world and i have experienced him enough to know he is everything the bible says, but for some reason i need him to help me believe in certain situations that he has my back. I am ashamed to say it but its true. so as of today, i am going to claim every help from God and i would greatly appreciate any prayer on my behalf

Psalm 20
Dear Lord,
May you answer in times of trouble. May you the god of jacob protect me. May you send me help from your temple and support me from Mount Zion, May you remember all my offerings and accept all my sacrifices. May you give me what i need and make all my plans succeed. and i will shout out praise when you succeed. We will raise up our flag in the name of our god. may you lord give me all that i ask for. Now i know the lord helps with his annointed servant. He answers me from his holy heaven and saves me with his strong right hand. SOME TRUST IN CHARIOTS, OTHERS IN HORSES, BUT I TRUST  IN THE LORD MY GOD. i am overwhelmed and defeated but we march forward and WIN. Lord save me!  answer me when i call.
Thank you lord for everything you have done, are doing, and will do within me. you truly are marvelous, and worthy of my trust.

What is Worship??

I cannot sleep. I can never get to sleep. My new way to cope is to blog until I get tired. As I lie here, I wonder about worship

Worship most closely associates with music and singing, but I think when people limit themselves to only one definition they limit the experiences they may encounter with God. I am thinking that worship is just adoration of Him. Just simply standing in awe of how he makes me feel or when i cry out of no where out of happiness and love. Sometimes i get the chills and smile and spin in circles and just dance around like a goof ball. GOD IS FUN. its not all about sitting quietly in church. He created you and your personality. I think that everyone should stretch themselves to grow, but it should never be a chore. I have such a out there personality that for the longest time i would just sit through church and wonder why people could just sit and listen and stand for 3 hours. My gut reaction when i was asked to focus on God was to run and leap in his arms and wrestle. Sometimes people dont accept us. thats just life. Sometimes i dont accept myself. Im a screw up this i know. Thankfully MY god loves me even when i want to spit on myself and those who judge and who hear me and walk away.

I have now learned to strech my faith and get out of my comfort zone. I not only can sit still and talk and thank God for being perfectly fabulous, but now i can get on my knees face to the floor and just lay forever. I cannot get enough of it. I just recently did a 40 day fast of secular music. dont get me wrong Miranda Lambert and Lil Jon get me pumped but i thought maybe listening to only Christian music for a while may help me be a nicer person at school (ive recently let go all filter of my speech at school because i got sick of being hurt by everyone i got close to and its not okay). ha i dont know if it worked but i hope it helped.

During this time, i felt more of an inward peace which i thought was very interesting. I was trying to change my outward actions towards people but through focusing above and not outward, i learned that i had so much stress. I stressed about my past, my failures, my insecurities, my pains, my future, my plans, accomplishing those plans, and i just could not worry about my reactions because that was the least of my worries.

oops sorry. went off on a bunny trail. All that to say, i was worshiping through music because i was focusing my eyes upward. When i worship, none of this crap matters. its about god and the greater plan he has for his people on earth. When i worship i feel better about life. At this time last year i did not want to live. everything about Franklin, tn, the US, and earth is so dirty and spoiled. I wanted to go home to see my heavenly daddy so badly. However, he had bigger plans for me to make some small little difference in someones life to widen his kingdom. He chose me guys! and he chooses YOU! every single person has the potential to help one person, and the cool thing about it is that its up to God to make all the pieces fit. If im open to anything, i dont have to worry. People will come into my life and bless me and i can bless them as well. This truth meant more to me than anything else ive learned my whole life.

umm i think that was a bunny trail again. i dont know what all that has to do with worship but that without god we are a complete mess, and for me personally there is nothing else to live for exept for His Glory. and that is why i worship him.

Journeys

What a beautiful and marvelous God we serve. In case you may not know, I leave May 31^st to serve Him in Malawi for seven months. My journey has been surprising, magical, and scary at times. Here is the brief story of how I decided to cross the world at age 17.

Initiation

When I was young, traveling never appealed to me, especially mission trips. I always believed my mission was here in the US. However, when I was in the third grade at Camp Hillmont, they spoke one night on mission fields. Mr. Ed Darnell came up to me that night and said God gave him a word for me: my mission was school and the world. This pivotal moment was soon forgotten as I went through middle school and entered high school.

The call

In high school, God was present in my life, but I did not feel much growth. I did not connect with my youth group at church because I was loud and usually bouncing off the walls and I felt awkward with kids so I did not want to teach Sunday school. I regrettably found myself skipping church behind my parents back (later to find out they were quite aware of the situation).  One Sunday in 2008 I decided to chill in the back of the sanctuary and see if I could learn a thing or two from good ole Pastor Rick. In the middle of the service, a video played. The People’s Church partnered with Capital City Baptist Church in Malawi, Africa, and they were starting a program called Adziwa. The video was to introduce the program and invite people to come serve as a mission team. I felt so compelled to go that I started crying (which I refuse to do in public) and ran up to the third floor. I interrupted my mom who was teaching and told her, “I have to go to Africa. I don’t know how or why but I have to go”

First Trip Synopsis

In the process of applying for the 2009 trip, my family changed churches. This trip was a youth trip, and I was so worried. I no longer went to church with these kids, and I was insecure in thinking they would hate me. I was not sure whether I wanted to go or not, but in the end I decided i would just be hanging out with God for a few weeks. Even more ironically, I found out that we would be teaching preschool and running an afterschool Awana program for the kids. Keep in mind, I don’t like kids. Even though I was completely out of my comfort zone, I decided to just put my faith in sweet Jesus. After a 3 day flight, I felt so close to the kids on my team. Kyle Wall led the trip and was fabulous. As soon as our bus dropped us off in Adziwa, I fell in love. In love with the kids, the country, and even all the dirt. The food was a struggle, not gonna lie. But showering in a bucket was straight up my alley. I learned so much on this first trip, but most importantly I saw God. The way those people love is incredible. I’m tearing up typing this right now. They accepted me for all the flaws I had. God loved on me those two weeks, and I brought that love back to the states.

Second Trip Synopsis

This past summer, 2010, I went back to Malawi to see all my babies. This trip was more of a revitalization than anything else.  Spring 2010 was super rough, and all year the only saving grace that kept me moving was going back to this special place with the Lord. For two weeks, I relaxed under His peace and bonded with our team. While we were there, I prayed and meditated on whether I wanted to come back and how long I would stay, by the end of the trip, I stated I would be coming back for a year or so and taking a year off. My teammate, Morgan, also had felt God  calling her back to teach at Adziwa. Now all that was left was breaking the news to the fam :/ The night I got back from the second trip, my family went to TGIFridays to eat. I told them of my plans, and oddly my mom just said well alright Ellie. Later I asked her why she was so calm, and she just said she knew I was sure and God had given her peace in that.

Fear, Excitement, Worry

Senior year!! This means Basketball, football, Senior class president responsibilities, spirit squad pep rallies, physics, friends, work, PLUS graduation, and leaving 3 days later. My life has been utter chaios. I struggle with the whole live in the moment idea right now, because everything coming up needs so much tending to. With thousands of dollars to raise, I had to do something. I began to sell paintings and make jewelry to sell, and fully give credit to our gracious God for the $3500 I’ve raised from my shows, and I have faith that he will provide me with the other $3500 needed. College stresses me out honestly. Kentucky blue is first choice but MTSU could be the place for me. In addition, my friend Blessing that I met in Malawi this past summer, has come to Franklin to go to school. She is hilarious and crazy, and I am so excited to have her here. Morgan and I have gotten so close through planning and I have learned to lean on other people when I’m faced with trouble. Now that March is half way through, the excitement is beginning to turn to nervousness. My mom reads to me most nights to go to sleep, and family time is the most important thing to me. I don’t know exactly what will happen when I cannot run to my family at any moment. I know God will be by my side through it all though!!

Prayer Requests

As I prepare to leave, I have a few things I would LOVE prayer on…

·         Continued hope and peace in financial matters

·         God will direct me in my college choice

·         Satan has no hold of me

·         I will have time to pack and will have room for everything I need

·         TIME--- to say good-bye

---E3

YAY Blog!

I finally have gotten my blog set up for my trip!! Since I don't know how much I will be able to be online while I'm gone, I created this to update anyone interested all at once. THANK YOU so much for all your support. You have no idea how much it means to me to know people will be praying for me.