i love jesus!

I've been home now for 2.5 weeks, and have spent some time reflecting on the last 7 months, and the last few years..... I have grown so much, through so much. Sometimes I get myself all worked up about a mistake I made  or a mis-communication or places i did not handle properly. Here's the truth though... not a single human is perfect. in fact, its quite the opposite. We sin every day in different ways. If we could always do what Jesus would do, there would be no need for a savior. sometimes i get wrapped up in trying to be as good as i can for Jesus, not because i think i can obtain perfection, but because i want to show the world how much i love and adore my God. But when i mess up, I have to remember that I will mess up and i have to trust the people in my life to have grace and mercy. that is part of trusting God. and when i mess up, all i can do is apologize, be honest and humble, and trust God to see me through. its so scary sometimes but i am getting better. i love Jesus and his redeeming love!

getting home

at this moment, it is 4 am on a thursday night. all is quiet and i have a few moments to really let it soak in that i am back home in america.

saying good bye to my babies and the staff and my friends and family was one of the most difficult thing i have ever done. tears never came... i think because it was deeper than emotion for me. i felt as though i was leaving my life there. i am so happy to be home and be with my family, but im not gonna lie its hard. i miss waking up and walking to adziwa, where everything was laid back and chilled out. american lifestyle is very busy and scheduled. i guess i am afraid that i am going to lose that intense reliance on god.... that freaks me out. i woke up in the middle of the night just praying that god stay with me... i know its a silly prayer because god is with us always but i crave him in a way i never have before and my greatest fear is to regress.

i want to continue to run towards god, always having to rely on him to get through the day.keeping my simple lifestyle without getting back into the crazzy life here in the states will help i think.

thank you god for everything you have given to me, taken from me, or guided me through. you are an amazing god :]

love Him, love them: Malawi 2011: November 8: lucy bug!

love Him, love them: Malawi 2011: November 8: lucy bug!: HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!! Wow 21 years old now :] it seems so long ago that you and I would go to centennial and work out summer befo...

November 8: lucy bug!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!! Wow 21 years old now :] it seems so long ago that you and I would go to centennial and work out summer before my freshman year. we have really done some crazyyy things since then! We have eaten in the stairwell because we were in a funk and needed to be away. We have been tardy for school, so we decided to go to cracker barrel and enjoy our tardy :] hahaha we have cried together, hit eachother, laughed together, but always been eachother’s person! You are my Meredith :] thank you so much for being my best friend and an incredible estes sister! Enjoy your birthday knowing that I am praying for you continuously and wishing I could be there with you! I will see you 5 weeks from tomorrow so don’t fret. Love you more than I love my hair hahhaahahhah!

PS I hope your going to shogun for your birthday dinner. That sounds AMAZING right now!

Oct 17

Oct 17

Today was a lazy day. we intended to go to town and get sissors and needles and thread for the womens project tomorrow but its mothers weekend here so all the shops are closed.

We are also running out of food in the house, its been three weeks since we have gotten transport to go grocery shopping. We have had soupy left over rice all week, and as of now, the only real food we have in our fridge are 2 cans of powdered cheese, milk, 1 can of creamed corn, 2 cans of baked beans, a bag of frozen veggies and a pack of ground beef. no bread, no sugar, just a lot of chocolate and snacks from the team my dad came on.

I have been sitting all day trying to write my essays for scholarships. I loath writing. Hate it. So now I am going to take a break and watch greys anatomy (which successfully downloaded after 15 hours per episode) its only 631 MB, so I cannot even imagine trying to download a movie!

We packed one suitcase the other night for returning home. I plan on having a fundraiser for my trip next year sometime in the spring. The details of exactly what I plan to do are still stewing so I will inform you when they are concrete. But part of the night includes a silent auction of handmade items from Malawi. The other week, I went to the wood market, where little “shops” line the whole block. We go here to get to know the shop owners frequently and know most of them by name now. Well I felt God saying that this day I should share business with all 100+ shops. So I went to every shop and said I have 500 mk (3 US dollars), what can I buy. well, I got lots of little trinkets from all of these shops. These items will be used for gifts and fundraising when I return home. So we packed those up.

Oct 15- not a fan

I am really sorry that I have not been communicating through blogs recently. I have opened countless word documents, but words do not come, and I feel speechless. However, I made a promise to my mother that I would write while I was here, and unfortunately I have not lived up to it. So today I am going to force it to happen. My blogs may be very short but I am determined to say something.

Well Nicole left yesterday, it seems crazy that is 7 weeks I will be leaving as well. It always seemed like I would be here forever haha. And now its coming to a close.

The women of Adziwa are starting a project where we are teaching them how to cut and sew fabric ornaments to sell in the states. The money will go directly into the womens pockets which is very good.

The first rain was last week. It was amazing!! We have not seen a drop of rain since we got here, and we could smell it coming. The kids could sense it too, they were a crazy mess all morning hoopin and hollarin. When it finally rained me mo and Nicole were in womens bible study, but morgan excused us so that we could go and play in the rain with the kids!!

Also last week, we got word that the water association agreed to let Adziwa make a connection to get clean water pumped into the complex!!

I am reading not a fan by kyle idleman. It has challenged everything I believe in and what I consider Christian behavior. The most important part I would say so far would be spiritually dying of yourself. That is such a crazy concept, but I don’t see how so many people have missed it. Our job here on earth is strictly to bring glory to god and worship him. Period. So if we are supposed to be his vessel where he can do his will through us, why would we think that we should ever be in control. Of anything. Surrendering to god means that you literally take yourself out of the equation. It does not matter who has hurt me or how I feel about any situation. God says to be quick to become angry when it comes to injustice of others, but quick to forgive and forget when we have been wronged. Duh ellie where have you been!

I am learning more and more Chichewa each day, it is so exciting. I have 4 pages of words I have learned in my journal and yesterday at the airport I found a Chichewa English dictionary and a Chichewa grammer guide! So I am determined to at least become conversationally fluent.

I am also applying to college right now and am feeling very stressed out. There is so much to be done, 4 essays, 2 school applications and 2 scholarship applications. Add onto that all the letters of recommendations and deadlines that occur before I even get back to the states! The deadline for mtsu scholarships in in 6 weeks!! I have to trust god each step of the way that I can get this stuff done and trust that he knows better than I each move that needs to be made. Plus I feel bad sometimes of all the things I have to ask my family to do back home. I mean there is a long list of crap. I am so thankful to have such amazing parents that will help me out!

Oh yeah, and I am coming back next summer!! Once I know for sure which college I am going to, I am going to meet with the people about the dates that I need to come up for orientation and registration and all of that. Once I know those dates, I will be back here for the bulk of june and july!!

Ooh yeah I don’t know if I have shared this with you all, but me and morgan are getting our hair braided crazy soon. We figured it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and we are in Africa so its gotta happen ha.

God moment--- for nicoles last day, they set up a party for all the kids, but each family had to bring something to eat. It didn’t matter if it was one banana or nsima, but just something. Well 150+ kids showed up, and as we prepared the plates, I leaned over to morgan and I said there is always enough, pray for loaves and fishes. Every single child got nsima, relish, fruit, cake, cheese puffs, and rice. Not only that, but there was lots of left overs. I kept handing out plates and plates of nsima for a solid 10-15 minutes. It just kept being there. It was absolutely incredible!

Another god moment--- this one is small but still shows gods love for me. We have been dying to watch the latest harry potter and the new greys anatomy season. Well we tried amazon and hulu and youtube and abc but you cant download outside of the states. Well I was just like god I know its small but nothing is too small for you and I would just really love to be able to watch them…. Well they are on itunes now and we are currently downloading it, even if it takes 31 hours :]

Things are really going well at Adziwa school right now, there are around 400 students, 90 students being in one standard one classroom. We had a man come in from the states this week who specializes in improving schools here in Africa, and after his assessment, things are really looking promising. So please be praying for involvement of all the partners and success for these kids and their education. They really are worth every bit of it!

Well I think that is all for today. Thank you mom for pushing me to keep these things written im sorry that I have not been very good at it. I am trying to be better :] love you bunches!

Sept 10: High School

I just want to declare publicly how sorry I am to everyone I went to Centennial with. I was confused, hurt and broken my senior year. i had trusted all the wrong people, and then cut everyone off when I felt betrayed. But I have since learned that there is absolutely no excuse when it comes to love. God commands me to love each one of you unconditionally. It does not matter what my excuse is,  what is going on in my life, or how you have hurt me. It says in 2 cor. That love always endures. And proverbs 17:17 says a friend loves at all times. Well folks, I failed at loving you my senior year. i wanted to show people how much I was hurting, and I guess I ended up making people see me with an awful temper and resentment. I did not do my job in loving you and showing you all how much god loves you. He loves you immensely!! I will not ever let my situation or my fears keep me from being me. No matter who hurts me, I WILL not let anyone change my personality. I will always stay bubbly and happy because the joy of the lord is my strength! I apologize to each one of you and ask for your forgiveness, and just please know that my senior year is a poor representation of who I am and what I am about. So anywho, its been bothering me that I misled, hurt, and probably yelled at people who did not deserve it during high school, especially senior year. I misrepresented Christianity and what god is all about, but please do not think that is Christianity because I am the one who did a bad job in showing god’s love to you!